April Ipsy

Usually, when I know my Birchbox and Ipsy are coming, I await my postwoman like a rabid dog hell bent on destroying her legs. Because I knew I was getting an Urban Decay pencil, this was doubly the case. As I usually do, I will save the best for last in my review of my April Ipsy bag.

First, here's the bag itself:

Thank you Ipsy for letting me know BEAUTY ROCKS. I have been informed by them and their oddly designed bag I would not have picked up even in high school. I feel like their bags are becoming worse over the months, but I also may be becoming more crotchety, so I'll have to get back to you on that.

Demeter Jasmine Roll On Perfume

This shit is awesome. It literally smells like jasmine in a perfume. I mean, what else can you ask for. If you don't like jasmine, then I am very sorry if you got this. Night blooming jasmine is one of my favorite scents after gardenia and lavender, so this perfume is right up my alley. Good jorb Ipsy!

Elizabeth Mott Pop! Goes the Shadow in Champagne

I'm not 100% sure why Ipsy keeps sending me champagne eye shadows. I'm have about a million of them now, and I think all of them are better than this one. This one, if it were a Harry Potter O.W.L., would get a grade of Dreadful from me, and I almost gave it a T for Troll but I have to save that for the lip gloss. It literally got into my eyes with fallout even though I used both eye shadow primer and fancy implements to put it on. No, thank you Ipsy.

Dr. Brandt Microdermabrasion Skin Exfoliant

I feel like the picture of a guy who is looking at wood and says "Yup, it's wood" only with this, it's a exfoliant and I used it and simply said "Yup, that's a skin exfoliant" and left it at that.

Here's the pic for reference:

Mary Kay @ Play lipgloss in Berry Me

There are so many things I dislike about this product, let me count the ways. Firstly, I dislike Mary Kay a lot. I don't like semi-pyramid schemes, and I don't like pushy sales people (I will be the first to say not every Mary Kay rep is like that though). I don't like products with internet symbols on them. I 99% of the time HATE lipglosses, and this is literally the worst lipgloss I have ever had the misfortune to meet. It's everything that lipgloss should not be: tacky, 0 color, an awful pun for a name that sounds vaguely threatening, and made by a vaguely shitty company. I put my foot down on this one Ipsy.

Last but not least, Urban Decay 24/7 Liner in Black Velvet

Ah, a breath of fresh air in this bag of weird shit. Don't get me wrong, the perfume was awesome, but this.. this is the crowning glory of my bag. It really does go on super smooth and somewhat stay there. It's supposed to be a smudgier eye liner than your usual run-of-the-mill eyeliners, which I can see now that I've used it a few times. It will give you the best smokey eyes of your life. But be warned, it will come off your water line after a few hours, unfortunately :(. It's ok UD, I still love you